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COMEDY TIME

The Greatest Beauty (BLW UK) 5 Star

This is a familiar one...

 

Two young boys stole a bag of oranges from the village market.

 

They decided to go to the nearest cemetery to share the loot,

 

But they had to scale a big gate to enter the cemetery.

 

As they were scaling the gate two oranges fell out of the bag and were left behind by the fence.

 

A farmer, who was coming from his farm near the cemetery fence, heard the following conversation going on in the cemetery:

 

One for me - One for you (Distribution of the loot),

 

One for me - One for you... On and on

 

He began to wonder what was going on in the cemetery that late in the evening and he immediately ran as fast as he could to the local priest.

 

He said "Father James come with me and witness God and Satan sharing corpses at the Cemetery"

 

They both ran back to the cemetery and stood by the fence and the voices continued:

 

"One for me - One for you"

 

Suddenly one of the voices said "Let's get the two at the fence " (meaning the Oranges that fell)

 

One of Father James shoes is still at the cemetery as at the time of sending this message.

Who wants to die?

 

See how Father take pick race

  • 1. Re: COMEDY TIME
    The Greatest Beauty (BLW UK) 5 Star

    A KID WAS STANDING OUTSIDE  HIS HOUSE CRYING.

    A PASSER BY ASKED : WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

    KID : MY PARENTS ARE FIGHTING INSIDE THE HOUSE

    PASSER BY : WHO IS YOUR FATHER?

    KID : THAT IS WHAT THE FIGHT IS ABOUT

  • 2. Re: COMEDY TIME
    The Greatest Beauty (BLW UK) 5 Star

    Pidgin

     

    1. He who fights & runs away , na fear catch am.

     

    2. Pikin wey no sabi im mama boyfriend, dey call am brother.

     

    3. A rolling stone no just dey roll, na person push am.

     

    4. He who lives in a glass house, na im pepe rest.

     

    5. A stitch in time, dey prevent further tear tear.

     

    6. Birds of the same feather, na the same mama born dem.

     

    7. One good turn, na correct power steering be that.

     

    8. A bird in hand, wetin e wan be again if no be barbeque.

     

    9. Half bread, is better than buns or puff puff.

     

    10. D journey of a thousand miles, Ol’ boy e beta make u carry your car go enter aeroplane.

     

    11. The patient dog, na hunger go kill am.

     

    12. All work & no play, na Banker be dat.

     

    13. He who laughs last, na mumu, y im no catch thejoke the 1st time & laugh when others dey laff!!

  • 3. Re: COMEDY TIME
    The Greatest Beauty (BLW UK) 5 Star

    An Inspirational Speaker

     

    An inspirational speaker said:

    “Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife.”

    Audience was in shock and silence.

    He added:

    “She was my mother”

    A big round of applause & laughter!

    A very daring husband tried to crack this at home.

    After dinner one evening, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:

    “Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife”

    Then he stood for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker

    By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water!

    Moral: Don’t Copy, if u can’t Paste

  • 5. Re: COMEDY TIME
    The Greatest Beauty (BLW UK) 5 Star

    Student-Teacher Exchanges

     

     

    1. TEACHER: Why are you late?

    WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

    TEACHER: What sign?

    WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

     

     

    2. TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

    CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

     

     

    3. TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"

    JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

    TEACHER: No, that's wrong

    JOHN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

     

     

    4. TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

    SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!

    TEACHER: What are you talking about?

    SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

     

     

    5. TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

    GEORGE: Here it is!

    TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

    CLASS: George!

     

     

    6. TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years

    ago.

    WILLIE: Me!

     

     

    7. TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

    TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

     

     

    8. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."

    ELLEN: I is...

    TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."

    ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

     

     

    9. TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

    JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

     

     

    10. TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also

    admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

    JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."

     

    11. TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

    SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

     

     

    12. TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's.

    Did you copy his?

    DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

     

     

    13. TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer

    interested?

    PUPIL: A teacher.

  • 6. Re: COMEDY TIME
    Richmond Bassey (BLW UK) 5 Star

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

     

    SIS KIRSTEN; WE NEED TO GIVE YOU A SLOT DURING YOUTH FOR CHRIST!!! Oh!!! LOOOLZ

  • 7. Re: COMEDY TIME
    The Greatest Beauty (BLW UK) 5 Star

    THE ARMY OF THE LORD

     

    A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

     

    The Pastor said to him,"you need to join the Army of the Lord!"

     

    My friend replied,"I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

     

    Pastor questioned,"How come I dont see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

     

    He whispered back,"I'm in the secret service."

  • 8. Re: COMEDY TIME
    Mr.Greater than Solomon (BLW UK - YFC LDN 2013) 5 Star
    Warri Nor Dey Dull
    Three Warri guys and three Igbo guys were travelling by train from Enugu to Lagos to attend a conference.    

    At the station, the three Igbo guys bought tickets each and watched as the three Warri guys buys only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the Igbo guys. "Watch and you'll see," replied a Warri guy.   
    They all boarded the train.    

    The Igbo guys took their respective seats, but all Three Warri guys cram into a restroom and closed the door behind them.  
    Shortly after the train had departed, the conductor comes around, collecting tickets.    
    He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.  
    The conductor takes it and moves on.   
    The Igbo guys saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.

    So after the conference, the Igbo guys decided to copy the Warri guys on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money!). 

    When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip.    
    To their astonishment, the Warri guys bought no tickets at all.   "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one perplexed Igbo guy. "Watch and you'll see," replied a Warri guy.    

    When they boarded the train the three Igbo guys cram into a restroom and the three Warri guys cram into another one nearby.  
    The train departs.    

    Shortly afterward, one of the Warri guys leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Igbo guys were hiding.   
    He knocks on the door and says....
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